Four Little Angels

A few months ago, we were surprised with a positive pregnancy test. WHAT?! Yes, I was pregnant! The emotions were all over the place. I couldn't believe the two little lines that popped up on that little stick. I have seen those two lines five times in my life. Five times. Five times I cried and thought of clever ways to tell Brandon he was going to be a Daddy. Five times I thanked God for the little baby He was growing inside of me. Five times I have thought of my belly growing, the baby that would soon join us and if it was a boy or a girl. Five times.
We didn't want to announce our surprise pregnancy until I was past the first trimester. I was so sick the first few weeks, I didn't think I would make it without someone noticing. At 11 weeks pregnant, just a week from our big announcement, we found out we have one more angel. That makes four. Four Little Angels.
With every miscarriage I have grown. Our first angel was our very first pregnancy. We were so excited and told everyone we knew. Weeks later, we grieved. I was so hurt. I didn't understand why it happened. Our second angel was right after we began the adoption process. We were a bit surprised by the pregnancy, but were so excited. Again, we told everyone. We saw the heartbeat on an ultrasound and felt secure that the pregnancy would last. After another routine ultrasound, we found out that we now had two little angels.
That second miscarriage shook me. It made me realize who my friends were. Friends who I thought were my core and my support system, weren't there. They showed more sympathy to their friends who had wisdom teeth pulled. It was very difficult for me, but it made me realize that I needed to rely on my God and my husband for support and comfort.
That second angel did a lot for me. I became a little more, okay a lot more guarded with my time. I didn't give that time or effort to people, things or events that didn't lift me up. I am sure I made a lot of people mad, but I needed to clean out the closet. I needed to clean out the people I called friends, and I wasn't sure why. I quit worrying about what people thought, not in an "I'm going Gothic" way, but in a Godly way. I was caught up in the business of hosting everyone's baby shower, surprise birthday parties, house warming parties, bible studies, small groups and play groups. I had to be in the middle of everything because I didn't want to let anyone down. I wasn't worried about pleasing God, I was worried about pleasing people. In a way, I am glad that that miscarriage helped me to see that I cannot rely on others to fill my needs. They will fail you every time. I was looking for people (my family, church family and friends) to comfort me, when it was God that I needed to seek out.
Angel number three was an angel before we knew it. I will never forget it, it was on my 3oth birthday. We kept it to ourselves, and continued in our adoption process.
Angel number four. You bring tears to my eyes. We didn't know you were coming, and quite honestly we were shocked to find out. We didn't share your news, to protect the hearts of the ones we love. Your heartbeat brought us hope, so tiny...yet it still fluttered. The sickness I felt made me confident that you would be joining our family. Still the fear of loosing you kept me from getting too excited. After about two months, I let my heart accept you. I started to wonder if you were a boy or a girl. What would your name be? Would we use another M name? Would I really have three kids? I started going through Marley's baby clothes, putting things aside. I started looking at double strollers and finding your spot in the minivan. I was planning our future, as a family of five. We thought of creative ways to announce our news. We had just made our parent's get webcams so we could see their faces when we told them they would have another grandchild.
It's only been two weeks, but already I feel like I have grown through this. I appreciate my children even more. Every parent loves their children. I have always been pretty crazy about mine, but after this...they are so so much more precious. They are both truly gifts! I also have accepted that we will not have anymore biological children. I truly feel comfortable saying that, almost like a relief. It's not something I am sad about, quite opposite. I am happy to say that childbearing, for us, is a thing of the past.
These past few weeks have also made me want to live life more, to quit making excuses. I am going on a mission trip to Uganda in June. We are taking our family to Mardi Gras!
There are a few explanations as to why I keep making angels, but really when it comes down to it...to me, it doesn't matter. It's done. I have always cherished my sweet boy, but now more than ever. Miles was the only one out of five that I get to hold! What a gift! Marley, well I don't even need to explain what a blessing and gift she is. One miracle born of the body, one miracle born in my heart, and four sweet angels. My heart is full!

Readoption Day

Today was a success! This morning we met our attorney at the court house. Brandon and I sat in a little lobby full of adoptive families not sure what to expect, but anticipating tears. For those not familiar with the adoption process, a friend of mine put it best when she said "it's like getting married twice." Marley was already adopted legally in Ethiopia. But in order for us to get a U.S. birth certificate and then citizenship, we needed to readopt her here in the states.
It was a quick and pleasant hearing. There were only a few people in the court room. Marley sat in the lap of the Guardian at Litem. He was a friendly man, and Marley decided his lap was more entertaining that ours, so there she was. They doodled on paper the entire time. The lawyer asked Brandon a bunch of questions, to which he answered "yes" to and then the judge smiled very kindly to us and proclaimed that Sifen would now be named Marley Haset. We chose the name Haset, which is Amaric, because it means joy. We will be getting her Missouri birth certificate in the mail in the next few months. I cried. Of course.
So today, Marley was adopted again!

Miles' First Day of Kingergarten

On August 19, 2010 Miles had his first day of Kindergarten. He was so excited to go and to get to ride the bus with all the neighborhood kids. Mommy did cry, but only for a minute. He did so good and we are very proud of our Kindergartener!

Our Summer

Where have I been? Why haven't I been blogging? Well there isn't a great excuse, other than being a Mommy! Seriously though, great summer time in our house!
We became a minivan family! We sold our 4Runner and paid CASH for our new to us Minivan. We LOVE it and can't believe it took us this long to become one!

We had a great visit from Nonnie and Papa.


The kids and I drove up to St. Louis for a weekend for our agency's Reunion Picnic. I got to meet many blog friends and reunite with a few of the children we saw while in Ethiopia.
I met Alida, whose son looks so much like Miles.
Marley got to see Ru again! And Miles got to spend time with Biscut! Then we all drove back to Springfield and ate at Lambert's. Good times.
The garden is doing amazing! I will be canning another years supply of tomatoes, along with maybe a years supply of carrots and green beans. I also learned how to harvest and dry herbs and cure and store onions and potatoes! Yay me! Next years garden is going to be awesome!
Marley is officially a walker! She started taking steps in June and by the end of July she was trying to run. Sweet girl!

One Year Ago Today...

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Family Pictures 2010

Marley at 12 Months

Wow how fast that went! Marley is one and on target for her age! She caught up so so quickly and we couldn't be any more proud of our sweet girl! She is still small for her age, but the doctor says it's her height that throws it off. She is still not on the U.S. chart for height, but her weight is just fine for how long she is. Confusing, I know. But nothing to be alarmed about. We just have a short little girl. So at 12 months, Miss Marley is:

• Crawling on all fours
• Pulling up and cruising around
• Walks while holding our hands
• Says Mama, Dada, NiNi (night night), Nana (Banana)
• She learned the sign for sleep and for bath
• She is done with baby food
• She has 3 1/2 teeth
  
• 18.5 lbs. and 26 inches long

It's amazing that she has made so much progress. When we brought her home at 6 1/2 months old, she was like a newborn, just learning to hold her head up! Yay Marley!
We finished our second post adoption visit and are now on the path for readoption. Since Mar Mar came home as a resident and not a citizen, we have to readopt her here in the U.S. in order to gain citizenship. It's not required, but will make her adult life easier. We also plan to be the first family in our county to do it ourselves, without a lawyer. We will see how that goes!
We are quickly approaching the day that Miss Marley has been with us longer than she hasn't. What joy she has brought into all of our lives!

Mommy & Marley 6 months old

Mommy & Marley 12 months old

Happy Birthday Mar Mar!

My baby girl is no so much a baby anymore. I, like all mothers, will call her my baby for all of her life. We celebrated Marley's birthday with a picnic style party at one of our many local parks. Marley had fun playing on a blanket and showing off her huge birthday bow with pride. She liked the cake, but like big brother, she just kind of messed over it. No big cake mess in our family...lol! She received a lot of really nice toys, all of which make noise. I love it! What a special day in our house. Miss Marley is one year old!

Why Do I Feel Like I Need to Explain Myself?

Lately, I have found that I feel obligated to explain myself. If I am unable to commit to a function that I have been invited to, I explain that I have a party, theater lessons, swimming lessons, we are going out of town, or I am just too exhausted to attend. If we are late to something, I feel like I need to justify our tardiness by blaming the traffic, the kids, my husband or just life. When someone tells me that Marley is so petite for her age, I feel like I need to explain to them that she is Ethiopian and Ethiopians are small people, or that she was so so tiny at birth and that she has gained 7 pounds while in the United States in the last 6 months. Why do I feel the need to explain myself? Why can't I just say, "I'm so sorry I won't be able to attend your jewelry party?" "We made it," when we are running behind schedule, or "why yes, Marley is petite" when people comment on her size. Why do I feel like a simple answer isn't good enough?
Yesterday, at Miles' acting class, another parent asked Marley's age. When I said 12 months, she immediately responded with, "wow...12 months, she's so tiny!" Okay, so if you know me, this really frustrates me. I know it may sound petty. But what I hear is, " she just isn't perfect in my eyes." Ridiculous, I know. I think she is the most perfect little girl ever! I just don't get why people feel the need to ask her age and why she is so small all the time? Okay, back to this lady at the theater. So after she stated that Marley looked so petite for her age, she did have a curious look on her face, as if she was waiting for an explanation, I told her that Marley was Ethiopian. Still dumbfounded, I further explained that Ethiopians are smaller people. Then she said, "Oh, so your husband is Ehtiopian?" I suppose this would have been a valid question had she not seen my husband, but she had! Brandon is HUGE. Standing at 6'7" he is not petite...lol! So now is it okay for me to call this lady a moron? I replied with, "No, my husband is not Ethiopian. Marley was adopted from Ethiopia." I did it, I explained my situation. But I only did it with the intention of educating this lady thinking I may encourage her to adopt, silly me! This woman pried on. "Well your son isn't petite?" I explained again, "Miles is a tummy baby, you know home grown." No she didn't go there! I don't know this woman from Adam, this was the first time I had ever met her, seriously! She continued, "so you couldn't have anymore children after Miles?" Why didn't I see this as prying and stop right there? Hmmmm? But no, I kept going. "Well, we felt called to adoption and had some situations that confirmed it for us. "Didn't it take a long time," she continued. I won't bore you with the rest, but you get the point.
Just today at Miles' school, a teacher saw me carrying Marley and said, " she's so bitty but seems so grown, how old is she?" When I said 12 months, she asked if she was early, I replied with "actually I have always though of her as very late, but looking back now, I'd have to say that she was right on time!" Yay me!
I'm totally fine, if not overly enthused, to talk about adoption...our adoption to interested folk. But nosy people...that's a different story. I suppose my frustration comes with just a plain lack of words. I need clever, one liners to shut those nosy people up. Or perhaps I just need to quit feeling obligated to sharing our entire story with everyone off the street. Sweet and simple, "why yes she is petite, and perfectly made" should do. Right?

Mother's Day....Wonderful

I love being a mom. I LOVE being a mom! Brandon has only made my role as a mother even better. He is such a great support. He allows me to pretty much do anything I want, and follows me along on my crazy adventures, like my dream of living off the land! He doesn't complain when my newest hobby is scrapbooking, knitting, sewing, cooking, canning, gardening or blogging. He actually encourages me to go out with friends and takes the kids, okay begs me to leave the kids.
Today, I woke up to coffee, breakfast and gifts. The kids gave me a subscription to Mother Earth News, a magazine for self sustainable living. Brandon gave me a dress and shoes! And he did good! He took us out to a local Italian restaurant. So yummy.
This Mother's Day was wonderful. I am so elated to have my children...both of them. They are truly gifts that I thank God for everyday.