Consider it nothing but joy when you fall into all sorts of trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect effect, so that you will be perfect and complete, not deficient in anything. James 1:2-4
Joy. That is something my heart and soul have been filled with, joy! Even when I didn't appear to be filled with joy, I have always had joy deep down in my heart. I am so thankful and filled with joy to have a outstanding, faithful and compassionate husband. Miles is the light of my life! He's growing into a sweet, caring and forgiving young boy. These two boys are my joy. Nothing compared to the joy my God has given me, but yet joy. My God forgave me when I never thought I could be forgiven, He gave me a new life. A second, third, fourth chance. After living a not so joyous life, He forgave me and gave me a new one. How amazing is that?
He also brought us to adoption, to my little Marley. What a joy! The love I have for her is so deep, and uniquely profound.
Our journey to Marley as not been an easy one. I have fallen to my knees in desperation, cried in anger and frustration. I have rejoiced in seeing her face. I sang praises! Seeing her picture brought me out of a funk. It renewed my faith, and helped me to see that God is fulfilling His end of deal, not in my time, but His. Boy do I not like hearing that! So back to the scripture. I have leaned on this scripture throughout our journey. I know that I should find joy in everything. I am not perfect, so it has been difficult. Instead of exhibiting a joyous attitude, I would wallow my frustration with the process. I learned from that. I am still learning from that.
Recently, we passed court and were told to expect to travel for the November 12th embassy appointment. Oh my the joy! Diapers, formula and last minute supplies were purchased and her suitcase is packed. Arrangements had been made and we were finally seeing an end to this journey and longing to be with our baby. It seems as if our faith is being tested yet again. There is another delay. Not much longer, but yet again. Man, there is nothing like hyping yourself up to finally seeing this child we have yearned for for years and then to be told, "not yet." We have been told to expect to travel over Thanksgiving. Again, it is all tentative and won't be confirmed until 1-2 weeks before. I am really working on finding the joy in this.
God has given us this path to complete our family. We are honored that he has given us Marley, truly honored and appreciative. The least we could do is trust Him the rest of the way and to find joy in it.