May 1, 2009

Things to Say

I must start this post assuring you all that I am writing this only to educate and not to criticize. We have been trying to adopt one way or another for almost four years. This has to be the hardest thing, emotionally, that we have ever done. Miscarrying multiple pregnancies was hard, but I have to say adoption is even harder.
Do Say
  • We love you and are here for you, and be there when I call crying or whining
  • We can't wait to meet Marley and we are excited to see her
  • I can (or can never) understand how unbearable the wait is

Refrain from Saying
  • It will all happen in God's time or God has a perfect plan
We know this, our faith is strong. Hearing it 100 times makes it seems like you don't understand. Crying out in frustration and anticipation is not a lack of faith. Sarah, Hannah, Rebekah, Rachel, Elisabeth all desired for children and their cries are documented in our bible. Sure I need to stop complaining. I do trust God that He will bring our child to us in His time. It's just hard to be crying out in anticipation for so long and to be told over and over, it's really close.
  • You are a saint for saving a child from Africa, she is going to be so blessed
Honestly, we are the ones that are going to be blessed. And if you have known us through this wait, sainthood is something we will not be entering...haha
  • Why not a U.S. adoption, we have so many kids here?
Red alert! This is a big no! We started out with the Texas Foster/Adopt system, and will never return. The foster care system in our country needs major reform! It's very sad, but true. There are more couples wanting to adopt a baby then there are babies, in this country and in most others. We chose Ethiopia because that is where God led us to and that is where our daughter is.
  • Can't you have kids of your own?
I'm still dumbfounded when I hear this one. Every adoptive families situation is different. Adoption was always part of our family plan, we just happened to need to rely on it sooner than we anticipated. This can be a very sensitive issue for most adoptive families. I am an open book and don't mind sharing, but please choose your words carefully. Our adoptive children will be our own children.

We do have an amazing support system and I thank you all for being there for us. We ARE really close. PLEASE be praying for a referral and court date before the courts in Ethiopia close from August til October. We are praying for a referral in the next two weeks to try to make it through the courts before we have to wait until the end of the year.


Erin Sager said...

Well put Elisa, so great talking with you. Hope to chat with you soon. Erin

Amanda and Co. said...


atHisrighthand said...

praying girl! And I do understand..
how about this one.. do say
"are they adopted?" "Are all your children adopted?" And "they are so lucky to have you."

nothing more needs to be said... :)

Blessings and eager to celebrate/ cry with you

Missy said...

Perfect!!!! You know I agree 100%!!!!

Justine said...

I'm here for you anytime. Tears of joy or sadness. This journey is harder than I ever anticipated. Thank God we have each other to lean on. Your baby girl is coming - I just know it!

Meg DeZutti said...

Like always, your posts hit the nail on the head. I cannot wait until you get your referral and can gaze into Marley's eyes for the first time. In the meantime, you ARE NEVER WHINING. You are venting. Come on, don't be so hard on yourself. Adoption is horribly difficult emotionally and, I think, takes a physical toll on you as well. The fact that you have been in this for four years...WOW. I don't think many of us to stick it out that long. I know your faith is a constant comfort for you, but remember... Sarah, Hannah, Rebekah, Rachel, Elisabeth and the rest likely vented to their friends too. It's just that they vented to females, not the males who wrote everything down.
I feel very confident that you will have Marley in your arms before Christmas. I'm sure the increased waits are killing you, but what an amazing Christmas it will be!! You'll likely be like the Browns and get your referral just after court closure, but have the FIRST court date after the courts open, and travel in the fall. In the meantime, hug Miles tighter, kiss your husband more often, and vent to us as often as you need to. WE ARE ALL HERE FOR EACH OTHER USE US.
BIG cyber hugs to you my friend!

Dara Kinder said...

Many prayers sent to you and your family Elise.

ellerbee eight said...

Amen sista! We even got the "why not adopt from America" from the freaking immigration officer at the airport in Chicago... hello! Inappropriate! We will be praying for your referral and ARE here for you!

Ben and Kate said...

By far one of my favorite posts ever! You pretty much said it. I don't know if you remember me but we met at the welcome home party at Ozark Mountain.

I completely agree with everything you said and have been thinking about you guys. Ben and I finally got our referral for a baby girl April 7th after waiting over 8 months from when the dossier arrived. Not to mention the 3 months of paperwork, over a year of saving money, and another year of researching and preparing the husband for adoption... I think it's been a long wait for everyone. One thing that helped me during our wait was realizing that soon we would have this baby and it's probably best to enjoy this time as a family of 2 (or in your case 3). Also, it helped to think of getting our referral months past our anticipated time-line. Trust me, when you get it, you'll be more surprised and less disappointed when you don't get one by a certain date.

Now that we have our referral, its easy to see now that even though our long wait is over, our difficult wait has begun. It's exciting to now have a face and name, but at the same time worrisome over her health and happiness half a world away.

Enjoy this time with your family. It will all be worth it in the end. Keep busy and keep posting! We'll be thinking of you guys!