May 8, 2010

To Amaye

Happy Mother's Day! You are my baby's first mother. You carried my sweet sweet girl in your tummy. You gave her life, you loved her, you nurtured her. You fed her when she was hungry. For just twelve days. Most importantly, you chose life for her! I can only imagine how you felt on that day. I'm sure that walk to Biruh Zemen was difficult. I wonder if it was raining, or hot? If she laid quietly in your arms as you walked or if she was tied on your back? I wonder if the staff comforted you, if they gave you a tissue to wipe your tears? The sweet kisses that were your last, oh how that must have felt. To smell that baby's breath for the last time. I'm sure you whispered sweet wishes into Sifen's ear, telling her that you loved her so so much and that she would have a forever family soon. I can see you crying as they shut the gate to the orphanage compound as you leave. I wish I was there to hold you, to love you, to give you hope and whisper in your ear, "we love you so so much and promise to take care of this tiny tiny baby girl." I would have told you that she is loved, loved beyond measure. That this child, God's child, will be fed, clothed, sheltered, have access to doctors, be educated, and have every opportunity imaginable. This child, the one you chose life for, will live!
Eleven months have gone by since that day. I wonder if you are counting them. I am sure you are. In our country, we celebrate mothers once a year. We call it Mother's Day. Last Mother's Day I cried. I cried so hard. I shook my fist at God and cried out "Why?" My heart was broken for the child I wanted so bad. The pain was tremendous. I couldn't understand. I didn't know His plan. Last Mother's Day, you felt the same way.
Amaye, thank you. Thank you so much. I promise to love her, kiss her, wipe her tears and fill her with joy. I promise to share with her the love you have for her. She will always know that you, her Amaye, loved her . And that that love is what led her to us. Sifen will know that she has a mother and she has an Amaye. Both love her in indescribable amounts. You had her first, and I'll have her forever. Last Mother's Day, I can only think that we both were brought together that day. We both cried out to God for the same little girl. We didn't know it at the time, but now I can see how it came together. You cried out to God to save her and I cried out to God to bring her to our arms. He knew. It's not always a pretty beginning with adoption. I know that. I know that in my joy, it brought you pain. But I also know that you wanted this for her. Thank you for that! This Mother's Day I celebrate you, the most amazing mother I will ever know.

With Much Love,
Sifen's Mommy


Katie said...

God Bless You, Elisa, for honoring Sifen's birthmom this way! I think that once you meet these beautiful children and stand in their land of birth there is an amazing connection to their first family.

Your little Marley is so blessed to have such an amazing Mommy in you! Happy Mother's Day and thank you for sharing your heart!
Katie Ashcraft

Ronnie and Suzi said...

Beautiful!! Tears in my eyes as I read it. Happy Mother's Day to you!

Dara Kinder said...

What a beautiful way to honor Marley's birthmom. Happy Mother's Day Elisa!

Shawn said...


Anonymous said...

I am reading your blog for the first time, and I was listening to the band Mumford & Sons. The song Thistle & Weeds came on right as I started reading this posting, and it was the most beautiful pairing. This letter is so eloquent and kind, I can only pray Amaye gets the chance to feel this kind of love. Thank you for this magic moment. God bless.

Alina said...

Great blog! :X